Skip to Content Skip to Navigation

Welcome to iVillage.co.uk! Sign in or Join our Community

Want more iVillage? Sign up for our NEWSLETTERS

SHOP VIDEOS MESSAGE BOARDS COMPETITIONS BLOGS

Raising a confident child

We all want our kids to feel confident - yet children suffer from shyness and shaky self-esteem, just as we do. Here are ten simple ways to help your child to shine.

By Fiona Gibson

Single view
View all

1 of 11
Friends for life?

Possibly not…yet those early friendships are still vital for building your child’s confidence. After all, everyone wants to feel they ‘fit in’. Once your child is old enough to express a preference about who he wants to play with, let him take the lead.

While you might encourage certain friendships, don’t put the kibosh on others unless you have a very good reason to. When children play with their peers, they learn vital life skills such as how to share, negotiate and relate to others.

And, apart from loving parents, nothing helps to guide a child through life’s little challenges like a supportive circle of buddies.

See also:
- Are you a tiger mother?
- Sign up for FREE parenting newsletters
IMAGE CREDITS:
- Getty images
RELATED:
Prev page
Next page
Single view
View all

2 of 11
Let’s talk feelings

The earlier you can encourage your child to talk about his feelings, the better. When he can identity and describe emotions - say, how he felt after a so-called friend was mean to him at school - he becomes better equipped at recognising them in others, which in turn helps to develop empathy.

Of course, some children are reluctant to talk emotions, and simply bark, ‘I’m fine.’ Try to coax him by saying, ‘So when Ben said that mean thing to you, did that make you feel sad?’

Being able to verbalise feelings can help a child to negotiate the choppy waters of early friendships.

See also:
- Are you a tiger mother?
- Sign up for FREE parenting newsletters
IMAGE CREDITS:
- Getty images
RELATED:
Prev page
Next page
Single view
View all

3 of 11
Talent spotting

Knowing we’re good at something boosts our confidence - and it’s no different for our kids. Yet it’s often hard to find that elusive activity which sparks their imagination.

‘William struggles to concentrate at school,’ says iVillager Eileen, 34, of her nine year-old son, ‘which has always knocked his confidence. I started taking him to five-a-side sessions at our local sports centre, which he took to immediately. At last, here was something he excelled at, which gave him kudos among the other boys and has brought focus to his life.’

Even if you have to try several activities, stick with it. Whether it’s drama, an art club or karate, somewhere there’ll be a chance for your child to shine.

See also:
- Are you a tiger mother?
- Sign up for FREE parenting newsletters
IMAGE CREDITS:
- Getty images
RELATED:
Prev page
Next page
Single view
View all

4 of 11
Praise is due

How often do you praise your child? So often that she thinks, ‘Mum’s only saying that to make me feel good?’ Or not often enough?

Praise boosts self-esteem - but it’s only meaningful when you child really has achieved something, no matter how small.

Back up your praise by displaying your child’s achievements - a certificate, trophy or brilliant painting - so she can see how truly proud you are.

See also:
- Are you a tiger mother?
- Sign up for FREE parenting newsletters
IMAGE CREDITS:
- Getty images
RELATED:
Prev page
Next page
Single view
View all

5 of 11
Beat the bullies

Bullying erodes a child’s self esteem - even when it’s not physical. Name-calling, or being suddenly excluded from friendship groups, can be equally damaging.

If your child’s confidence seems to have wavered, or she’s quiet and withdrawn, try to gently probe to see if anything’s upsetting her.

If you suspect bullying, your child’s nursery or school should have procedures in place to tackle the issue as soon as it’s raised. In the meantime, explain to your child that, rather than suffering in silence, she should always tell a trusted adult exactly what’s going on.

See also:
- Are you a tiger mother?
- Sign up for FREE parenting newsletters
IMAGE CREDITS:
- Getty images
RELATED:
Prev page
Next page
Single view
View all

6 of 11
Life’s an adventure

Most of us are, naturally, pretty protective - yet allowing your child a sense of freedom does wonders for his self-esteem. Being physically adventurous allows him to test his abilities, learn new skills and feel justifiably proud when he’s managed to climb to the highest branch.

Of course you’ll want to keep a close eye, and swiftly step in when he’s doing something that’s clearly dangerous.

However, try to keep watch from a discrete distance, so your child feels he’s being allowed to make those small, yet ever-important decisions, with no intervention from Mum.

See also:
- Are you a tiger mother?
- Sign up for FREE parenting newsletters
IMAGE CREDITS:
- Getty images
RELATED:
Prev page
Next page
Single view
View all

7 of 11
Shying away

It’s heartbreaking when your shy child won’t join in at a birthday party. Coaxing and cajoling rarely works, as she’ll just cling to you even more closely.

Do bear in mind that large, boisterous groups are intimidating for many; think about how you feel when you’re thrust into a large social group and barely know anyone. Rather than declining invitations because your child doesn't want to go, work on encouraging one-to-one friendships in the form of supervised playdates to gradually build confidence.

And resist the temptation to tell all and sundry that your child is ‘shy’, especially when she’s in earshot, as children tend to live up to the labels we give them.

See also:
- Are you a tiger mother?
- Sign up for FREE parenting newsletters
IMAGE CREDITS:
- Getty images
RELATED:
Prev page
Next page
Single view
View all

8 of 11
Helping hands

Young children love to help around the home and garden - and in encouraging them to learn new skills, you’ll boost their sense of achievement. Start simply, working alongside them, gradually stepping back until they can manage to, say, follow a recipe all by themselves.

Experts believe that, as well as helping your child to develop confidence, taking on ‘real’, meaningful tasks encourages kids to become more caring and responsible. Resist the urge to criticise if your child’s cake falls flat, or her attempt at washing up results in still-grimy dishes.

It’s her willingness that’s important - and remember that children learn by their little mistakes.

See also:
- Are you a tiger mother?
- Sign up for FREE parenting newsletters
IMAGE CREDITS:
- Getty images
RELATED:
Prev page
Next page
Single view
View all

9 of 11
Lonely? Not always…

‘Sometimes I worry that Sam lacks confidence because he spends huge amounts of time on his own, rearranging his collection of model animals,’ says iVillager Penny, 40, of her four year-old son.

Yet often, making up his own games suggests that a child is not only content with his own company, but also possesses a rich imagination - qualities which will help him throughout childhood and beyond. We tend to assume that ‘confidence’ means being able to hold his own in a group.

Yet inner confidence, and the means to enjoy himself with little or no involvement from you, shows how self assured he really is.

See also:
- Are you a tiger mother?
- Sign up for FREE parenting newsletters
IMAGE CREDITS:
- Getty images
RELATED:
Prev page
Next page
Single view
View all

10 of 11
Life’s ups and downs

Let’s face it: our children face more pressures than our generation had to contend with. Our expectations are high, and we often over-timetable our children, rushing them from one organised activity to the next.

Appearance, too, can be a major concern. In a recent Ofsted survey, a third of girls and 22 per cent of boys under ten years old cited body image as a main source of worry.

To build confidence, encourage your child to be active and have plenty of time to hang out with friends. After all, a contented childhood goes a long way to creating a happy, confident grown-up.

See also:
- Are you a tiger mother?
- Sign up for FREE parenting newsletters
IMAGE CREDITS:
- Getty images
RELATED:
Prev page
Next page
Single view
View all

11 of 11

Next Up: Are you a tiger mother?
Pushy parenting just stepped up a gear! Should learning should be fun, or do you de

Prev page
Next page

Alcoholic treats for Father's Day thumb

Alcoholic treats for Father's Day

An expert guide to coping with parents and in-laws thumb

An expert guide to coping with parents and in-laws

A guide to dealing with other people's kids thumb

A guide to dealing with other people's kids

10 things parents are told to worry about but shouldn't thumb

10 things parents are told to worry about but shouldn't

20 things nobody told us about raising a boy thumb

20 things nobody told us about raising a boy

a baby's eye

Beach huts wallpaper and polka dots wallpaper in bathroom

an assortment of summer shoes

Special giveaway

Summer shoes daily giveaway

Blog entry

Gallery

Wallpaper of the week

Blog entry

Too fat to live?

Gallery

Gorgeous summer shoes