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Recovering from a failed relationship

By Susan Quilliam

Recovering from a failed relationship is tough. You can do it, though, and find love in five simple steps once you commit to leave the past behind

Your relationship is over. No matter who ended it, your new life starts now. Except it may not feel like a new life. It may hurt far too much for that. What's more, fallout from the break-up may be affecting other personal or professional areas of your life. Moving on from a break-up takes time, but it's got to be done. You need to look ahead and take responsibility for enjoying a renewed sense of freedom and, in time, a new romance.

Leaving the past behind
The key to getting over a failed relationship is to remember that this loss is similar to bereavement. Often, after a break-up, we suffer the same key stages of bereavement including shock, denial, grief and anger. Know and accept that it will take time before you start feeling normal again.

Help yourself by accepting support from friends, colleagues and family. Be patient: the pain will die away but it will take time. In the first few months after a break-up, do anything that keeps you occupied and busy. Being social may be the last thing you really want to do, but the busier you are, the less sad you'll feel.

If the pain lingers too long, take action. Jill, 34, found herself still bursting into tears at every mention of her ex's name a year on from her divorce. She finally saw her GP and then a counsellor for advice. 'In hindsight, I'd tipped over into depression; the counsellor offered support and helped me get my life in perspective,' she says. Had she not taken control and sought help, she could have suffered unnecessarily for many more months.

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Comments

Hi, I've just had a similar break-up. He said 3 days ago, that he wanted a break, never giving any indication that he had a problem with us. I feel just the same as you do, and always did throughout our relationship, even when we had problems. No matter what he did, I still wanted him back. Even now. He wanted a break for a 'few months' and I don't know where we'll be at the end of it, but for now, despite what a monster he's been, I can only remember the good times and want him back. It hurts all the time. Neither do I know what to do. Much love to you and hope you feel better soon.
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its been 7 months since my break up with the father of my child,i still find it very painful,thre are times when im convinced i have healed,but whenever i thnk about the fact that he actually left me without a word,he just stopped taking my calls,visiting,seeing the baby he just removed himself from our lives without a word,no argument or fight had occured before this,so he just took off,after 5years in the relationship.so sometimes when i sit back and think about it,it saddens me because i still love him deeeply,but honestly,he was bad to me,he alwys made me sad,alwys made me cry,never respected me as his partner let alone give priority to our relationship but i continued loving him,even now i still find myself waking up in the middle of the night wishing and longing that he would come back,pls help
thanks for the tips...it sure helped.