Recovering from a failed relationship

Recovering from a failed relationship is tough. You can do it, though, and find love in five simple steps once you commit to leave the past behind

Your relationship is over. No matter who ended it, your new life starts now. Except it may not feel like a new life. It may hurt far too much for that. What's more, fallout from the break-up may be affecting other personal or professional areas of your life. Moving on from a break-up takes time, but it's got to be done. You need to look ahead and take responsibility for enjoying a renewed sense of freedom and, in time, a new romance.

Leaving the past behind
The key to getting over a failed relationship is to remember that this loss is similar to bereavement. Often, after a break-up, we suffer the same key stages of bereavement including shock, denial, grief and anger. Know and accept that it will take time before you start feeling normal again.

Help yourself by accepting support from friends, colleagues and family. Be patient: the pain will die away but it will take time. In the first few months after a break-up, do anything that keeps you occupied and busy. Being social may be the last thing you really want to do, but the busier you are, the less sad you'll feel.

If the pain lingers too long, take action. Jill, 34, found herself still bursting into tears at every mention of her ex's name a year on from her divorce. She finally saw her GP and then a counsellor for advice. 'In hindsight, I'd tipped over into depression; the counsellor offered support and helped me get my life in perspective,' she says. Had she not taken control and sought help, she could have suffered unnecessarily for many more months.