Relationship stages

There are four major stages in an adult relationship - commitment, parenthood, the plateau and empty nesting. Sue Quilliam prepares you for each level.

Imagine life's a big department store and you're going up in the lift.
At level after level you get out, stay for a while, then get back in the
lift and move on up to exciting new 'shopping' opportunities, but you
leave the lower levels behind.

So which 'level' are you on in your life at the moment?
Here are four key stages which happen in most adult lives.

Level 1: Commitment - you find a serious relationship

Level 2: Parenthood - you have children

Level 3: Plateauing out - you reach your career peak

Level 4: Empty nesting - you let your children go

Leaving one life 'level' for another often means you're moving on to wonderful things, like partnership, or having a baby. But it also often means leaving things behind - leaving behind the freedom to please yourself when you take a partner, leaving behind regular sleep when you give birth.

So although many life levels are stages we look forward to, they have their downsides. You may feel sad about moving on and leaving the familiar behind. You may feel worried about rising to new challenges and new responsibilities.

So what can you do? Basically, make sure that at the point where you actually move from one level to the other you get particular support. Because that's when you're likely to be most stressed, even if it's a happy sort of stress. So look after yourself - physically, by taking more rest and getting other people to help; emotionally, by talking though any concerns with friends or your partner.



But also, every level has its own challenges, which need a particular response.