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The emergency kit
When I was asked by iVillage to write this article, I thought long and hard about how I had prepared to leave my own violent first marriage. I think it’s fair to say that I didn’t really plan it at all. It was always in the back of my mind but somehow it never felt like the right time. It happened as I always knew it would. I woke up one morning and knew it was time. Somehow I knew that if I didn’t do it, eventually I would be killed.
I threw a few things in a case while he slept in the same room, grabbed my toddler daughter and drove away. Even now, 13 years on, to try and explain how I felt at that time would be very difficult. Numb, scared and shocked but at the same time, victorious, relieved and not quite believing I’d had the courage to do it. But that was me. Although I’ve heard a lot of women say that their escape was very similar, there are also women that know when the time is right, but don’t have the opportunity to do it, or quite simply don’t know how to. Everyone’s experience is unique.
Start by talking to a trusted friend. Leaving can be a long process but you should never be afraid to ask for help.
You can call the Women’s Aid National Domestic Violence Helpline or your local Women’s Aid Group. Keep a list of telephone numbers in a safe place. Make sure it includes the Women’s Aid Helpline number and that of the local police. If you already have a solicitor then write that number down too; if you don’t, then look in the Yellow Pages for details of a solicitor who practises in Family Law. If you have a mobile phone, keep it topped up and charged. In an emergency always call 999.
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