Over the weekend two new women, Hayley and Kim, arrived. One of them is pressing charges against her partner and mid chat we discover that the CID are on their way to the refuge to take her to the police station.

At the refuge we receive regular donations – more so at Christmas than the rest of the year. Today we were given a box of linen, which is really useful. We receive all sorts of things – tinned food, pasta, soap, linen, UHT milk. Everything comes in handy, especially when we have women arriving with no money who are waiting for their social service benefits to be processed. At Christmas we often receive lovely brand new toys for the children. We never turn anything down as it always comes in useful. The other week we received six boxes of sanitary towels and tampons, which made everyone laugh.

One of the residents wants to talk. She is feeling a little low today and needs a shoulder to cry on. Women arrive at the refuge when they have reached their breaking point – the stage where they have accepted that there is nothing more they can do to save their relationship or help their partner to change. I always feel that it is a last resort for any woman to come into a refuge. Some women stay a while and then return to their partners. Sadly, the violence commonly escalates with a woman’s return. The partner will do everything he can to ensure she doesn’t leave again. Thankfully, most women who come to refuges don’t return. They stay for as long as it takes to be rehoused, which can take over six months, and try to rebuild their lives. Recovering from an abusive relationship is an emotionally difficult process, but in a refuge women can receive counselling and, of course, get vital support and friendship from women in a similar position. The friends you make in a refuge are often the best friends you will ever have.

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Diary of a refuge