You are not alone
If you suspect you are in an abusive relationship, counsellor Linda Creek, who worked in a women’s refuge for 13 years, says one of the most helpful things you can do is to contact a third party. She suggests agencies such as Women’s Aid, The Rape Crisis Federation, your local counselling service or health professionals.

‘One of the most powerful things a woman can hear is that she’s not alone. Hearing from another that it is not your fault and you don’t have to put up with it, that it is a criminal offence, and that nobody has the right to treat you this way, can bring such relief. It helps reduce feelings of loneliness and self doubt.’

‘After leaving a violent partner, many women will talk about their confusion, and how they denied and didn’t trust their gut feelings. Often their partners rationalised sexually abusive behaviour by saying: “Other women do this all the time”. Or “This is just sex, it doesn’t mean I hit you out of the bedroom”. He may blame you and make you feel guilty; “You know you enjoy it really”. But listen to your instincts and anxieties.

If you feel scared that you are losing control, or that your partner is unpredictable, pay attention to it. Share your concerns with a close friend or a counsellor. Living with a violent man can be lonely and isolating. It can be embarrassing to tell someone the problems you face in your personal life. But abusers rely on this sense of isolation and dependency to maintain secrecy and continue the abuse.’

After getting advice some women obtain a legal injunction against their partner. Others leave and never return. Each woman’s situation is different. If you do decide to report your partner or husband for rape, The Rape Crisis Federation has a very informative web site and explains in detail what you can expect next.

Remember the first step to recovery is to accept you are being hurt. The next, to reach out for support.

Names and addresses:

The Rape Crisis Federation - tel: 01159 348 474; email: info@rapecrisis.co.uk
Crimestoppers - call free 0800 555 111
Rape Crisis Centre, London - tel: 020 7837 1600

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