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Myth: Abusive men have a mental illness.
The vast majority of men who abuse are not mentally ill. Research shows that the proportion of abusers with mental health problems is no higher than in society as a whole. And if an abusive man were mentally ill, how is it that he only abuses his partner, not his colleagues, strangers, or friends?

Myth: He only hit her because he was under stress.
Some men who abuse their partners are suffering from stress. Again, this is a factor, not a cause. Many men who are stressed are never abusive. Similarly, many men who do abuse their partner cannot claim to be under stress.

Women experience stress too, yet they rarely beat or abuse their partners to the extent that men abuse women.

Myth: He loses his temper sometimes, that's all.
People argue that an abusive man loses his temper, or is out of control. In fact he is very much in control.

Abusers can be selective about when they hit their partner, e.g. when the children are asleep. Or choose not to mark her face, or any part of the body that shows. This suggests they are very aware of what they are doing.

Many men abuse their partners emotionally and psychologically, without ever using anger or physical violence. This shows the extent of their control.

Myth: Domestic violence is a private matter, you shouldn't get involved.
For too long domestic violence has been allowed to happen behind closed doors. People think what goes on in the home is private, and not their problem.

Domestic violence is a crime. It is against the law.

We are all affected by domestic violence, and we all have a responsibility to speak out against it. Only then will we end it.

* Copyright: www.refuge.org.uk

To donate visit www.refuge.org.uk

Further reading: Power and Control: Why charming men can make dangerous lovers, by Sandra Horley Refuge Chief Executive.

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Myths of domestic violence