• pregnancy & baby
• parenting
• horoscopes
• health
• beauty
• food & drink
• diet & fitness
• more ivillage
  • • Travel
    • Entertainment
    • Home & Garden
    • Relationships
    • Work & Money
    • Shopping
  • • Competitions
    • Dating
    • Quizzes
    • Newsletters
    • Kalimocho.co.uk
    • Wii Fit Plus
  • 

The early warning signs one woman missed

Thousands of women in the UK experience daily violence or abuse and two women in England and Wales are killed every week by a current or former partner. With the help of Refuge, 42-year-old Dani was able to start a new life with her daughter, away from her violent ex-boyfriend. Here's her story

When Dani, 42, met her ex five years ago she had been single for a long time and found his attentiveness flattering. After a few months he moved in with her, but the relationship soon took a dark turn.

He became jealous and possessive and his mood swings began to dominate their life. She was forced to give up her job and stand down as a governor at her daughter's school because he was jealous of the men she was working with.

Once, when she went to visit her old colleagues, one of her male workmates kissed her on her cheek to say goodbye. Her boyfriend was waiting in the car for her, but when he saw this he flew into a rage, shouting at her and accusing her of cheating, then he spat at her in the middle of the street.

The first time he hit her she was sitting on her bed with her daughter, without warning he jumped out of bed and punched her in the thigh. She still gets pain in her leg from that incident.

By this time, the verbal and physical abuse had worn down her self-confidence and self-respect so much that she couldn't see a way out. But she worked up the confidence and told him to leave. He did leave, but an hour later he was back, screaming and threatening her through the windows and demanding money.

When she refused he kicked down the door, stole cash and threatened to kill Dani and her daughter. Dani called the police and he was arrested, but he continued his campaign of intimidation. Eventually he was charged with common assault and harassment and was given a short prison sentence.

'My ex was so charming at the start of our relationship that I felt very flattered by him,' Dani explained. 'But after a short time the jealousy started, along with the mood swings where he readily switched from being charming to being abusive. I lived my life walking on egg shells.

'I experienced nearly all of the warning signs: I was very closely controlled, criticised and isolated from friends and family. I just didn't realise that these were the warning signs. I didn't recognise this as domestic violence. If I had known then what I know now, my life would have been quite different.'

Refuge helped Dani to relocate to a new area and organised for her to have a sanctuary scheme fitted in her house. She now has iron bars on her windows, a special safe room and an emergency line to the police in case her ex finds her and threatens her again.

To help save lives and bring awareness to the problem of domestic abuse, the national domestic violence charity, Refuge, has launched an early warning signs campaign. The campaign will help women recognise the early warning signs of domestic violence and in so doing prevent them from a life time of abuse.

For more information on Refuge visit www.refuge.org.uk

printer friendly send to a friend