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Romantic breaks... or are they?
A holiday with your partner can end up a holiday from hell if you've got different ideas and expectations. And with the amount of thought (and money) going into your romantic break, disappointment can be even harder to swallow if it all goes wrong. So how do you get round this?
Why are you going?
First up, many couples think a romantic break will mend the broken links in a relationship but it's like painting over cracks: it's only a matter of time before they re-surface. A holiday can only help if you address existing problems beforehand. Otherwise, you?ll end up blaming each other if it's a less-than-perfect holiday and be back at square one, or worse. The reverse can happen, too. In the routine of daily life, you may not even be aware of certain issues - and it can take a holiday to spot the problem.
Relationship expert, Paula Hall says: 'Holiday times are often stressful because couples have high expectations of having a good time. Any stresses or a major row when away are a much greater disappointment and feel worse.' Whether it's romance by the bucketload or non-stop sex that you're expecting, you're destined for disappointment if it's not delivered, so go with the flow.
'I love going away with my boyfriend. It's not usually as romantic as you think it might be. I think you have this idea of how the romance is going to pan out but it rarely happens that way and sometimes the most romantic times are those you hadn't planned or thought about.'
pinkladysadie
Planning it
Talking about 'objectives' for your romantic break can help. That way, you won't be arguing over yet another issue while away. Your partner may want active days, followed by chilled-out dinners at night - while you may harbour ideas of sunbathing, siestas and all-night partying. It's important to discuss these and other issues. Paula Hall suggests: 'Are you going to eat out every night? Are you expecting to spend every moment together? Who'll look after the kids? Talk about practical issues beforehand and if there's anything in particular you want from or to avoid on your holiday, ensure your partner's aware.'
'I like to party more than my boyfriend which can be a bit of a pain on holiday. I'm ready to dance till the wee hours whereas he wants to be in bed by 11pm. I'll tell him, for goodness' sake you're on holiday, why you rushing back to the apartment? We've got all week to do nothing and you have nowhere to be in the morning - very infuriating! That's the only time I wish I had my girls with me so I could let the little gentleman retire to the apartment.'
pinkladysadie
Talk about money too. If you're saving for a house deposit and the holiday is a cheap and cheerful affair, things can get tense if one of you is blowing the budget. Also, is there anything you don't want to discuss on your romantic break eg a work problem or a friend/family issue? Set things straight from the outset. Paula Hall says: 'Problems can feel worse when you're away from home. You're out of your comfort zone so if your relationship is feeling threatened, it can seem like nothing is solid. Talk beforehand. If there are existing issues, decide whether to discuss them on holiday or put them on hold till you get back.'
Paula adds: 'Consider issues you know will arise because you're spending the whole week together, like him leaving his stuff lying around or his annoying eating habits. Can you agree rules or be more tolerant? Remembering what you learnt from previous holidays can offer coping tactics.'
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