Forced apart

A: It feels to me as if your boyfriend has taken some decisions here, which are signalling to you that he's starting to pull away. A major life decision like staying in the marines is not something that most people would make without consulting their significant other. For whatever reason, this guy is starting to act like he's single.
You believe his behaviour has nothing to do with Iraq, but it's possible the situation stressed him more than you think. He may have had to get in touch with some basic facts of life, like mortality, and panicked. That often makes people start putting themselves first.
If his commitment is still there, but he's going through a bad patch because of the war, then I would recommend hanging on in there for a while, seeing how it goes, but while being aware that he may be on the way out. But if you sense that his basic commitment isn't there any more, that he is still with you but only in name, then I would start preparing for the big split. Try to remember that if things are this bad, then they can only get better.
Susan Quilliam

Q: My boyfriend is in Basra at the moment, and five or six weeks ago we had a misunderstanding via letter. He hasn't called me during this time to see if I'm OK and I had one letter last week telling me he has to think about what he wants to do when he comes home. He's said he's going straight home instead of coming to me as planned.
I wrote to him twice last week laying my cards on the table and I've heard nothing. I'm getting to the point where he's hurting me so much by ignoring me that I feel like walking away from him for good.
Should I wait and see if he contacts me when he's home, or do I write him a letter ending it all?
twinkle295

A: Both of you have very frayed nerves at the moment, and my guess is that it's showing. Plus, both of you are wary about what happens when he comes back, and that will be stressing you too.
I know it's hard to hang in there, and I'm not promising a happy ending. But I suspect that if you rush in and end the relationship here and now, you'll always wonder whether you could have sorted it out. You will have burned your bridges, and there may be no way back.
Why not give him two or three days after he hits home to calm down and get his breath back, and then ring him. It could be that hearing your voice makes all the difference. At the very least, it might get him to agree to a meeting, where the two of you can talk face to face and decide what's best.
Susan Quilliam

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