Relationships 

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Why you don't have to have sex to cheat

There is a fine line between having an affair, and contemplating an affair. Is emotional infidelity the same as physical infidelity? One iVillager turned to the Coping With Infidelity message board for the answers

Member problem
I found out my husband of eleven years was meeting my best friend every weekday morning for coffee. They just sat and had a coffee together but omitted to tell either her husband or me about it.

At first my husband denied it, saying it was just a one off. I asked her however, and she admitted that she had been meeting him for coffee. I then confronted my husband again, and he admitted it had been going on for over three months, but that it was just text messages, coffee and nothing else.

They both tell me that I am making a mountain out of a molehill and being stupid. Although I do honestly believe that sex was not involved, where was this heading and where do I go from here?
When do you call an affair an affair?
chrissy807

Members advice and solutions
If they had kept it from you and denied it at first then there is something to hide, and I'd say in no uncertain terms that this must stop. Affairs usually begin with that listening ear, and it is only a matter of time before it goes one step further, if it hasn't already. Ask him why he denied it? Tell him that denying it has made you suspicious and, therefore, it must stop. There is no relationship without truth and honesty.
feelingsad_7

I think you need to talk to your husband and your friend and sort this problem out, before it goes too far and they end up breaking your heart. Don't let it get out of hand, talk, and talk till you feel you have resolved the problem. Trust in yourself and your feelings.
mazz1954

This 'friend thing' is just a ruse. They are toying with each other and, by doing this, they are getting more and more involved to the extent that temptation will win out. I would let him know how you feel. If he continues to proclaim that it is innocent, I would tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable, and you would rather they did not meet for coffee any more. Even if he has no intention of letting it get out of hand, you don't know her intentions.
britstarlite32

You have every reason to be suspicious. I know I would be. If I go out with a drink with a male friend I tell my boyfriend or even invite him along. I would never keep it from him. If I didn't tell him, I would feel guilty anyway, whether I did something or not. Please be strong, as this has to stop. He is more or less lying to you.
g_dennis

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