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  |  Community  |  Couples  |  I'm obsessed with commitment
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I'm obsessed with commitment

by Dr Pam Spurr

question

I have a great relationship with my boyfriend, who is 19. I'm 22 and we're very much in love. We have been together for two years.

Previously I was engaged to a guy who suddenly ended our relationship. This left me with trust issues.

I feel that as long as we're not engaged, we're not committed. If I'm feeling insecure, I get clingy and search for signs that he wants it to be forever.

He regularly talks about us moving in together, although it cannot happen for financial reasons for at least two-and-a-half years. This seems like forever to be in non-committed limbo. He says he wants to get married one day but not yet. He freaks out when I mention it.

How do I get over my preoccupation with commitment?
tinkabell84

answer

Time for some straight talking!

Goodness gracious girl, you've got to chill. He's only 19, and you're not much older.

This is not the same relationship as the one you had with the man who broke off the engagement. You can't live it as if it is. It's not fair to your new boyfriend to use your past, FAILED relationship for how your relationship should be now. It doesn't make sense. I'm not surprised he freaks out when you mention marriage, most men his age would.

You've got to get to grips with your anxiety that somehow you're going to be left on the shelf. Start living for today and not living for your future with babies and marriage, etc. Learn to be happy with how things are now.

Accept the fact that everyone has good days and bad days - sometimes you'll feel more confident about him and sometimes you won't. But on your less confident days you've got to fight those feelings and accept that right now, what you have, is good.

I fear if you keep this up you will lose him - so believe me, chill out now and enjoy what you've got.

Best wishes,
Dr Pam x

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