iVillage logo
Search iVillage
Relationships
Horoscopes
Entertainment
Beauty & Fashion
Diet & Fitness
Health
Pregnancy
Parenting
Home & Garden
Work & Money
Food & Drink
Travel
Beauty basics
Hot new products for autumn
Women only
Usher bans blokes from concerts
Cooking tonight?
Find the perfect recipe
Relationships 
  |  Community  |  Sex  |  Relate talks about mismatched sex drives
Advertisement
Topics
Sex
Family & Friends
Divorce
Marriage
Couples
Single & Dating
Community
Single & Dating
Couples
Sex
Marriage
Divorce
Family & Friends
Understanding Men
partners
iVillage shopping

Hot stuff
Photo galleries
Hen party accessories
The Orgasmatron
Sex positions to try
iVillage sex shop
Community Awards
Men are perfect but...
Newsletters
Sign up for FREE!




 
Promotions
Dating dilemmas
Find a new man with the help of DatingDirect.com
Transform coffee breaks
A sprinkling of Latte Creations makes an everyday coffee break extra special
Summer nights
Spice up your sex life this summer with the delectably sexy range of toys and lingerie at Ann Summers

Relate talks about mismatched sex drives

relate logo Relate counsellor Julia Cole is a highly experienced couples counsellor and psychosexual therapist. Here, she talks to the men and women of the iVillage community about the problems of mismatched sex drives

Research suggests that couples experience sex as 'ebb and flow'; with sexual activity altering throughout the time a couple is together. Sexual desire does not run like a tap from puberty onwards! Desire is strongly affected by the length of time together, the life stage you are passing through, and the pressures and pleasures of your life at the time.

If you experience problems in feeling interested in sex at the same time, consider making a 'sex date'. Put a date in your diary, shut the door, and spend time enjoying one another. Give sensual massages, bathe together, and experiment with lots of stimulating arousal. Take your time and allow your partner to get in the mood. Recent research suggests that women are more likely to respond to 'situational desire'. That is, if they are approached with sensitivity and sometimes passion they will feel desire for their partner. They are less likely to feel desire outside of actual initiation, although women do feel independent desire as men do.

If you want to be in sync for sex, it is important to talk about your relationship and ask yourself what you want from lovemaking. If you feel differently about your needs, your sex drives will gradually differ. Read 'The Relate Guide to Sex in Loving Relationships' by Sarah Litvinoff to help you understand more about sex and relationships.

Real life problems

He says...

She says...

More information



 1 |  2 |  3 | next print printer friendly send to a friend
  
RATE IT
Loading ....
Loading ....
Delicious     Digg     reddit     Facebook     StumbleUpon
iVillage Features

iVillage Competitions

Playhouse Disney Competition


Message Boards