Affairs - the betrayal

Guilt

If you find yourself wondering whether the affair was your fault, you are feeling guilty. You are internalising your anger, rather than directing it at your partner. But guilt is almost always useless - because, there's nothing you can do to change the past.

Also, guilt can end up hurting you, badly. One client of mine ended up and tiptoeing round the house, guiltily, trying to please her husband, as if she had had the affair and not him.

The only constructive thing to do with guilt is, not to regret the past, but to aim for a better future. So ask yourself this question: is there anything you can do that will help?

If your relationship is unhappy, try to channel your guilty energy into finding the cause of the unhappiness, and then tackling the problem. If you do, there is more chance of you both remaining faithful to each other.

Finally, remember that, it is incredibly difficult to receive news of a partner's affair. So your first challenge is to navigate those first terrible days and weeks, and your reactions, without falling to pieces. If you can do that, then things will almost certainly start to improve.

read more:  previous | 1 |  2 |  3 | printer friendly send to a friend