Affairs - the betrayal

Sadness
Over and above all the first reactions to news of an affair, you will feel sad. Sad because you've lost the partner and the relationship you thought you had.

So expect to cry, to grieve, to mourn. If you trust friends or relatives, cry with them. If not, then - again - you may want to turn to a counsellor.

Anger
You will almost certainly feel angry that your partner has slept with someone else. And it's likely that the longer the affair has gone on and the deeper the deceit, and the more angry you'll feel. However, you might not feel angry at first, because you may convince yourself that it could completely destroy the relationship.

It could be several months before you allow yourself to feel as furious as you want to. You may channel all your fury at your partner's lover.

It will help to acknowledge that you are angry, and to do all you can to get rid of the angry energy. Women often report of screaming into a cushion, playing daily games of squash, going to the gym, sitting in a parked car with the stereo full blast, so that they can rant and rave to themselves.

But when it comes to screaming at your partner, tempting though it is, it won't actually help, if you continue being angry. A first furious reaction, yes. But continuous warfare will neither help bring you back together nor will it make him any less likely to have another affair. It is best to get rid of the anger, and then calmly talk things through.