Affairs - the betrayal

Also, guilt can end up hurting you, badly. One client of mine ended up and tiptoeing round the house, guiltily, trying to please her husband, as if she had had the affair and not him.

The only constructive thing to do with guilt is, not to regret the past, but to aim for a better future. So ask yourself this question: is there anything you can do that will help?

If your relationship is unhappy, try to channel your guilty energy into finding the cause of the unhappiness, and then tackling the problem. If you do, there is more chance of you both remaining faithful to each other.

Finally, remember that, it is incredibly difficult to receive news of a partner's affair. So your first challenge is to navigate those first terrible days and weeks, and your reactions, without falling to pieces. If you can do that, then things will almost certainly start to improve.

Resources
After the Affair, by Julia Cole with Relate, (Vermilion).

You can get support, alone or with your partner, at Relate.

Coping with infidelity - read all three parts of our series.
Part one - the betrayal
What to do when you find out?
Part two - the decision
Should you stay or should you go?
Part three - the recuperation
Getting your relationship back on track

Have you been betrayed by your partner? How has this effected your relationship? Why not get advice and support from other iVillagers on the Coping With Infidelity message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions happening right now on the board: