Affairs - why not?

The only chance of an affair making your relationship better is if it provides a wake-up call. Many couples say that an affair was the event that made them realise that something was badly wrong and gave them the impetus to sort their relationship out.

But if you're trying to convince yourself that an affair will make things better between you and your partner, then you're wrong.

All too often, the sheer excitement of an affair just makes you more dissatisfied with your central relationship. Now that you're putting all your energy into playing away, you really haven't got any spare energy to work on what's happening at home. Your relationship becomes even more vulnerable. And if your partner finds out he's been betrayed, then your bond may simply snap.

What should you do?
So if you are on the edge of an affair, my first reaction is 'don't do it'. It may sound boring, but you would do better to try and improve your relationship. If the sex is dying, then find out how to resuscitate it. If you feel disappointed, then find ways to get enthusiastic again. Contact Relate for details of local relationship counsellors in your area.

Of course it may not be possible - your love may already be dead in the water. And if it is, then it's quicker, easier and much cleaner to end the relationship before jumping into bed with someone else.

So what will you do when you're tempted - as you almost certainly will be? Adultery? Or not? The choice is yours.

Have you had an affair and are trying to get out of it? Or are you potentially on the brink of an affair and need some advice? Why not chat to iVillagers who have had similar experiences to yours on the My Affair message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions happening right now on the board: