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Office affairs - when love doesn't work

by Sally Ann Lasson

question
I had an affair with a colleague two years ago. I had just been through a divorce and was rather bitter - I liked him but wasn't ready to commit. We started seeing each other again recently and he says he loves me. The problem is that his wife has threatened to kill herself if he ever leaves. We have both risked our jobs getting in late. He says our relationship must be put on hold until his career is secure. My question is should I stay or go?

answer
I'm not sure whether your question 'should you stay or go' refers to the relationship or the job. Or both. Getting out of both of them would seem like a good idea. You had the right instinct two years ago when you chucked the office lothario with the loony wife. I don't think you broke up with him then because you were divorced and bitter and couldn't commit, I think you only had the affair in the first place because you were divorced and bitter. It's classic acting out behaviour for people who are going through a hard time.

So that was then, and this is now and our hero is hiding behind his wife and his boss. Never believe anything a man says about the mental instability of his wife. It's all rubbish. (If she found out about you, he'd tell her you're a stalker. It's all in the handbook.) The work thing is more worrying. Can you get a job somewhere else? You really need a fresh start and you need to start making your own decisions. Take the initiative. You owe it to yourself.

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