Dear Susan,
My husband confessed that he is a sex addict and has been having sex with several women, none of whom he loves. He also said he was abused when he was a child. We think the two are linked and he now swears that he will never cheat on me again. He claims he only ever loved me and the other women were just objects. Can he ever be faithful? I cannot trust him and this is getting in the way of our future.
Marilyn

answer

Dear Marilyn,
Can your husband ever be faithful? Well, if he is a sex addict, then one thing is for sure -like any addict, he will promise everything and deliver nothing. In other words, he will tell you he will never cheat on you again, but when it comes to it he will cheat because he can't help himself. So don't trust his words - only trust his actions.

But if your husband is a true addict, then he can get treatment, just like any addict can - and if he really wants to be faithful to you, then he should be willing to get treatment. If you or he feels that the root cause of his problem is childhood abuse, then he could contact MASH (Men As Survivors Helpline: 0117 907 7100; Thurs 7-9pm only) or DABS, an information service for survivors of sexual abuse (tel: 01302 768689).

If he feels the problem is mainly sexual, he could go to Relate and ask to see a sex therapist there - the details of your local centre will be in the phone book or listed on the Relate.

If he can get help to overcome his urge and start controlling what he does, then it could be that your love has turned his life around. So do try, for both your sakes, to get him to seek help.

ivillage uk

He's addicted to sex