Lonely in love

First, get realistic about what's possible. Because even with love, your partner can't give you all the attention in the world and can't make you feel good all the time. He's human, and he has his bad days too. He's not 'perfect' and can't be everything to you, even if he wanted to.

Don't feel bad if you have some needs that your partner can't meet. Instead, expand your world. Spread your needs more thinly, taking support and company from a number of people. Ring up friends and family, arrange a drink, go out for a meal and start building up your social life. If you've children, get a babysitter - take a break and get out.

Connect to your partner
And then, start getting close again to your partner. Because relationship loneliness also stems from lack of communication. You need to start to connect with each other all over again.

You may have to take the lead. Men in particular forget that talking and listening makes love work. So when you meet in the evening, for 15 minutes get him to talk. Make it a fulfilling experience for him to talk to you. Listen, ask questions and show an interest. He'll enjoy it if you do it genuinely and without resentment.

It's not easy to turn loneliness into connection. But it is possible. Don't panic and take it slowly - reversing such a trend takes time. But in time, you can regain the companionship between you, as well as the love.

But, if in reality, the love has died, then don't hesitate to get help. And if one or both of you won't do what the other needs because you're so full of anger, then get yourselves along to Relate.Call 01788 573241 for details of local centres.

Do you feel lonely? Talk to other iVillage members.