Gone off sex

We’re not talking here about improving sex by using different positions, buying sex aids or dressing up in saucy knickers. These things will add spice to a good but routine sex life, but they won’t bring desire back. The sexual reasons for loss of desire are far deeper.

To begin with, it could be that you’re no longer really turning each other on – this is as true for him as it is for you. Although men often like the ‘straight in, no messing approach’, for true pleasure, they need arousing.

The best way is to go back to square one and ‘re-teach’ each other turn-on skills. Do you need lots of foreplay, a gentle touch or stimulation in a certain way or a particular spot? Take it in turns to simply ‘receive’ touch – coaching your partner in what really works for you.

The second problem may be that you’re no longer having orgasms – or never had them with your partner. And if this is true, you’re not alone. Many, if not most women, orgasm more easily alone than with a partner – particularly, if you’ve let foreplay lapse so you’re not really aroused, then orgasm during lovemaking may be a distant memory.

The answer here is to teach yourself and your partner how to give you a climax.

Resources:
Make Your Honeymoon Last by Suzie Hayman
Stop Arguing Start Talking by Susan Quilliam
Women’s Pleasure by Rachel Swift

Organisations:
Relate (National Marriage Guidance Council) – Helpline 0870 601 2121
British Association for Counselling – 01788 578328 – provides information on local counselling services

More:
20 tips to improve your sex life
Learn how to communicate clearly
5 ways to get out of a relationship rut