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Is work wrecking your love life?

by Fiona Gibson
Work – is it the perfect bad relationship excuse or the cause of your problems?

When celebrities split with their partners, they often trot out the ‘conflicting work schedules’ line. Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe? Too much time apart. Tom and Nicole? Ditto. Johnny Borrell and Kirstin Dunst? You know the script by now.

Yet back in the real world, work can be a handy and credible get-out clause. He says: ‘I never see you these days.’ You reply: ‘I can’t help that. Do you think I enjoy working late every night?’

Yet often, we can help it. What’s the first thing we do when a relationship hits a stale patch? We don’t hurry home, breathless at the thought of seeing him. Instead, we linger on at the office, chatting with the cleaner and polishing the stapler. Later still, we might tumble into the wine bar with colleagues, ‘forgetting’ to call home and explain that we’ll be late. I was so passionate about a job that my ex-partner accused me of having an affair. One night, when I rolled into our flat just before midnight, he said, ‘You care more about work than you do about me.’

Did I disagree? I wasn’t so sure. Yes, my job was coming between us – but only because I was allowing it to. In fact, I was gobbling up extra responsibilities, leaping at invitations for conferences involving overnight stays, even putting myself forward for additional projects that would require weekend working. A friend asked, ‘What’s more important: your job or your relationship?’ Let’s just say the relationship lost.

True, we’re working our socks off these days and relationships are bearing the brunt. A survey conducted by Bupa/UMIST reveals that 75% of managers work more than their contracted hours; research from the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development reveals that, among those working over 48 hours a week, more than half admit that their sex lives are suffering.



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