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Long-distance love

by Susan Quilliam
continued from page 2
Danger signals
Communication, trust, great sex: it seems to be going well, but watch out for the hidden dangers lurking beneath the surface:

  • Your home life pales into insignificance when you are not together. You stay in every night waiting for him to call, rarely see your friends and never go for a drink after work. What to do? Put effort into enjoying your time apart so that you have a full life and aren't dependent on him.

  • You argue when it's time to part. What to do? Don't panic - this may be your subconscious way of softening the blow of parting. Spend longer periods together and build your security in the relationship.

  • You're doing all the phoning, all the travelling, all the spending. What to do? Share your worries and see if anything changes. If it doesn't, then pull back - he isn't as committed as you are.

  • One of you finds it hard to be faithful when you're away from each other. What to do? Unless you can agree on an open relationship, it's best to split; constant unfaithfulness will break both your hearts.

    Make or break
    There comes a point in any long-distance relationship when you need a 'where are we at?' conversation. If you're both eager to stay together, then set a date for getting together - either moving in or, at least, living in the same town and 'dating'.

    And if you drag your feet? Missing the deadline for getting together is a real danger sign, your heart's way of telling you that long distance was fine, but up-front and personal won't work.

    But with luck, your time apart will just have shown you how much you need and want each other, a temporary pause in a brilliant relationship.


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