Relationships 

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Stay cool this Yule

The festive season can take its toll on your relationship. Susan Quilliam looks at the main problems couples face at Christmas

You may love each other deeply, but all the seasonal festivities can put the strongest relationship under pressure. Relate, the couples' counselling organisation, receive more calls over Christmas than at any other time of the year.

Work woes

What's the problem?
You both imagine the other has negotiated an acceptable amount of holiday time. Then everything flares up because one of you is going into the office more than the other expects.

Why is this happening?
You have different views about the relative importance of time spent with family, work and money. Perhaps one of you feels that it's vital to prioritise time at home, while the other wants to earn extra cash and enhance their career and family lifestyle.

What's the answer?
In the short term, put your quarrels aside. Accept that you've made different commitments and enjoy the time you have together, with no recriminations. In the long term, talk through where each of you is coming from, appreciate your differing life values and negotiate next year's commitments well ahead of time.

Time together, time apart

What's the problem?
You look forward to spending time together over Christmas, but once you are, things become fraught.

Why is this happening?
This type of irritation doesn't just happen because you're not used to being together all the time. It's also that human beings aren't intended to be in company 24/7 and can feel tense if they don't get some time out.

What's the answer?
You both need some 'down-time' alone. Don't feel guilty if you want to get away from each other. Plan individual activities such as reading, solitary walks and fishing. If your partner's behaviour really irritates you, then make a mental note to resolve those issues in the new year.

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