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continued from page 2
Bearing gifts
What's the problem?
You tear open the wrapping paper and instead of the wonderful gift you expected your partner to give you, you see the thing you wanted least in the world! You plunge into disappointment.
Why does it happen?
The first possibility is that your partner simply doesn't know what you want, or has completely miscalculated your needs. More worryingly, he may be signalling to you that he doesn't have the time or energy to make an effort in the gift department.
What's the solution?
If your relationship is going well, the answer here is simply to give your partner more information about what you want. Men in particular find it difficult to second guess - so this year accept your gift graciously, but next year give him a list from which he can choose. But if your relationship isn't smooth at present, then once the decorations are down, have a 'where are we at?' conversation. You may need to do some work to get your relationship back on track.
Anti-climax time
What's the problem?
You feel a sense of disappointment around Christmas, which you then take out as anger on your partner.
Why does it happen?
All the hype surrounding Christmas festivities makes us feel that if we're not ecstatic and having a great time, then there's something wrong with our relationship, our lives and us. Not so - after childhood, Christmas is often not the jolly time tradition promises.
What's the solution?
Be realistic. Tell your man you love him. Glow when he says he loves you. Put energy into having a good time, but don't expect the earth and plan something nice together for the New Year so you have something to look forward to after Christmas.
A word of warning?
This feature is aimed at couples whose relationships are basically on the right track - the suggestions I'm making won't work if you're in crisis, or there is abuse or violence in the family.
For couples counselling, log on to Relate
Bearing gifts
What's the problem?
You tear open the wrapping paper and instead of the wonderful gift you expected your partner to give you, you see the thing you wanted least in the world! You plunge into disappointment.
Why does it happen?
The first possibility is that your partner simply doesn't know what you want, or has completely miscalculated your needs. More worryingly, he may be signalling to you that he doesn't have the time or energy to make an effort in the gift department.
What's the solution?
If your relationship is going well, the answer here is simply to give your partner more information about what you want. Men in particular find it difficult to second guess - so this year accept your gift graciously, but next year give him a list from which he can choose. But if your relationship isn't smooth at present, then once the decorations are down, have a 'where are we at?' conversation. You may need to do some work to get your relationship back on track.
Anti-climax time
What's the problem?
You feel a sense of disappointment around Christmas, which you then take out as anger on your partner.
Why does it happen?
All the hype surrounding Christmas festivities makes us feel that if we're not ecstatic and having a great time, then there's something wrong with our relationship, our lives and us. Not so - after childhood, Christmas is often not the jolly time tradition promises.
What's the solution?
Be realistic. Tell your man you love him. Glow when he says he loves you. Put energy into having a good time, but don't expect the earth and plan something nice together for the New Year so you have something to look forward to after Christmas.
A word of warning?
This feature is aimed at couples whose relationships are basically on the right track - the suggestions I'm making won't work if you're in crisis, or there is abuse or violence in the family.
For couples counselling, log on to Relate
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