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Does your relationship need an MOT?
continued from page 1
Division of responsibilities: who works, who stays at home, who does the housework, and who looks after the kids?
Leisure: making sure you both have time to see friends or enjoy hobbies. How long is it OK to spend apart - an evening, a week, or even a year?
Family: what responsibilities do you have, how much time should you spend with each other's families?
Sex: are you both happy in bed, and if not, what can you do to recapture the heady passion from the early days?
For extra help, read my book Love Coach, which you can order from Vine House Distribution, price £6.99 (01825 723398 credit card line).
Get loved-up
It's all too easy to take your partner for granted. They know that you love them, so why do you need to keep on telling them? But complimenting them can make a vast difference to the quality of your relationship, according to Arthur Aaron, of the State University of New York. He has researched love for decades and reckons that mutual appreciation is the key to love. In one of his experiments, perfect strangers were encouraged to make genuinely appreciative comments to each other - and even though the experiment lasted less than an hour, some fell in love and later married!
Start telling your partner not just that you care but why you care, and what you value and love about them. Then never let a day go by without an appreciative comment.
For extra help, read Susan Page's book IIf We're So in Love, Why Aren't We Happy? (Piatkus, £10.99).
Don't be lazy!
You may think you are talking to each other, but over time you can get lazy about just how you communicate together. To get on the right track, set aside time each evening so that each of you gets ten minutes to talk about the day's events.
When talking, don't just say what happened but also what you thought and how you felt about it - allow yourself to dwell on the day's problems so that once you've spoken about them, you can put them aside. Then when you're done, thank your partner for their attention.
When it's your turn to listen, keep eye contact with your partner so that they know you are concentrating. Sit close - touching if possible - so they feel supported, and sympathise with encouraging noises. But don't butt in with your own thoughts! You've already had your turn, remember?
For extra help, read Harriet Lerner's book The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate (Piatkus, £9.99).
Division of responsibilities: who works, who stays at home, who does the housework, and who looks after the kids?
Leisure: making sure you both have time to see friends or enjoy hobbies. How long is it OK to spend apart - an evening, a week, or even a year?
Family: what responsibilities do you have, how much time should you spend with each other's families?
Sex: are you both happy in bed, and if not, what can you do to recapture the heady passion from the early days?
For extra help, read my book Love Coach, which you can order from Vine House Distribution, price £6.99 (01825 723398 credit card line).
Get loved-up
It's all too easy to take your partner for granted. They know that you love them, so why do you need to keep on telling them? But complimenting them can make a vast difference to the quality of your relationship, according to Arthur Aaron, of the State University of New York. He has researched love for decades and reckons that mutual appreciation is the key to love. In one of his experiments, perfect strangers were encouraged to make genuinely appreciative comments to each other - and even though the experiment lasted less than an hour, some fell in love and later married!
Start telling your partner not just that you care but why you care, and what you value and love about them. Then never let a day go by without an appreciative comment.
For extra help, read Susan Page's book IIf We're So in Love, Why Aren't We Happy? (Piatkus, £10.99).
Don't be lazy!
You may think you are talking to each other, but over time you can get lazy about just how you communicate together. To get on the right track, set aside time each evening so that each of you gets ten minutes to talk about the day's events.
When talking, don't just say what happened but also what you thought and how you felt about it - allow yourself to dwell on the day's problems so that once you've spoken about them, you can put them aside. Then when you're done, thank your partner for their attention.
When it's your turn to listen, keep eye contact with your partner so that they know you are concentrating. Sit close - touching if possible - so they feel supported, and sympathise with encouraging noises. But don't butt in with your own thoughts! You've already had your turn, remember?
For extra help, read Harriet Lerner's book The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate (Piatkus, £9.99).
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