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Does your relationship need an MOT?
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Conquer conflict
Psychologist John Gottman of the University of Washington reckons that the secret of happy relationships is not being conflict free - all couples have disagreements. It's being able to resolve the conflicts. So next time you feel a row brewing, use this quick 'three R' strategy to chill things out:
Relax. Stop, breathe deeply, count to ten and drop your voice tone to appear less aggressive.
Review. Think calmly about what's really happening - will arguing really solve anything? What would work better?
Reach out. Touch your partner or make a soothing comment - create the conditions for resolving, rather than escalating, the conflict.
For extra help, read John Gottman's book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last (Bloomsbury, £6.99).
Ask the professionals
Don't hold back from getting help if you feel that your relationship is going too far off the rails to get it back on track yourself. All couples hit bad patches and need support. Even if your partner won't go with you, don't let it stop you going to counselling on your own. If you make a change in yourself, or in your attitude to the relationship, this will naturally shift things between you. Visit Relate for details of your local relate services.
Conquer conflict
Psychologist John Gottman of the University of Washington reckons that the secret of happy relationships is not being conflict free - all couples have disagreements. It's being able to resolve the conflicts. So next time you feel a row brewing, use this quick 'three R' strategy to chill things out:
Relax. Stop, breathe deeply, count to ten and drop your voice tone to appear less aggressive.
Review. Think calmly about what's really happening - will arguing really solve anything? What would work better?
Reach out. Touch your partner or make a soothing comment - create the conditions for resolving, rather than escalating, the conflict.
For extra help, read John Gottman's book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last (Bloomsbury, £6.99).
Ask the professionals
Don't hold back from getting help if you feel that your relationship is going too far off the rails to get it back on track yourself. All couples hit bad patches and need support. Even if your partner won't go with you, don't let it stop you going to counselling on your own. If you make a change in yourself, or in your attitude to the relationship, this will naturally shift things between you. Visit Relate for details of your local relate services.
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