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Relationship ruts
New year, new life - or is it? All too often we make the usual resolutions such as losing weight or giving up smoking but forget about what can really undermine us: the people in our lives.
This year make it your business to revitalise all your relationships. This simple plan, which gets right to the heart of relationship issues, will help you do just that.
Identify your aims
First, do a relationship audit. Jot down all the important people in your life - family, friends, workmates, lovers - and think about what you really expect from your relationship with each of them.
Be specific: say exactly what you want. Be realistic: no one is perfect. But don't set your sights too low. You deserve to have trust, love and respect from the people closest to you.
When one of my clients, Sarah, used the audit to review her relationship with her parents, it finally dawned on her what the root problem was: they were still treating her like a little girl. 'I needed them to acknowledge I was grown up now. Admitting that to myself gave me the strength to admit that to them. They were shocked, but eventually took it on board. Our relationship improved from then on.'
Learn to take
Many relationships become bogged down because one person does all the giving and, as women, we often find we're that one. So if there are any relationships where you feel you don't get much back, you need to take a hard look at the people involved.
Make a list of four things you'd like your partner to do for you. Ask for one a week over the next month. More hugs? More help with the domestic chores? More oral sex? Often, you just need to ask - it's as simple as that.
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