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Does your relationship need an MOT?
From being honest about your goals to conquering conflict -six ways to fine-tune your relationship
If you stick to just one resolution this new year, make it giving your relationship an overhaul. Even if things are great between you, there's always room for some fine-tuning. So what are you waiting for?
Be honest about your goals
When you first met, you were probably so in love that it didn't matter whether you shared the same goals. But as your relationship deepens, you need to make sure you're both heading in the same direction. So now it's time to sit down together and discuss what you want for the future. Fun? A mortgage? A glittering career? Children?
Where you find a match, celebrate and start developing action plans. But if you find a mismatch, don't panic. You can keep a relationship together, even with differing aims. You just might have to compromise a little bit more. So perhaps one of you can go travelling while the other stays at home. Or agree to have fun this year and get all sensible to buy a flat next year.
The only goal you shouldn't compromise on is kids. If one of you wants them and the other doesn't, don't get pregnant and hope to change your partner's mind. Having children is a responsibility that shouldn't be attempted if one of you isn't truly keen.
For extra help, read Ben Renshaw's book Together But Something Missing (Vermilion, £8.99).
Keep talking
So many of the problems in relationships are caused by expecting each other to behave in a particular way - and then being disappointed when things don't go as you imagined. Each of you may well have different ideas of what is important, but unless you communicate them to each other, you will go around in circles.
Start talking now! Discuss the big issues in detail at least once a year, so that you each know what is expected of you, and can aim to please. Miscommunication danger zones for most couples are:
Money: who should earn, who can spend - do you need to consult your other half before making buying decisions?
If you stick to just one resolution this new year, make it giving your relationship an overhaul. Even if things are great between you, there's always room for some fine-tuning. So what are you waiting for?
Be honest about your goals
When you first met, you were probably so in love that it didn't matter whether you shared the same goals. But as your relationship deepens, you need to make sure you're both heading in the same direction. So now it's time to sit down together and discuss what you want for the future. Fun? A mortgage? A glittering career? Children?
Where you find a match, celebrate and start developing action plans. But if you find a mismatch, don't panic. You can keep a relationship together, even with differing aims. You just might have to compromise a little bit more. So perhaps one of you can go travelling while the other stays at home. Or agree to have fun this year and get all sensible to buy a flat next year.
The only goal you shouldn't compromise on is kids. If one of you wants them and the other doesn't, don't get pregnant and hope to change your partner's mind. Having children is a responsibility that shouldn't be attempted if one of you isn't truly keen.
For extra help, read Ben Renshaw's book Together But Something Missing (Vermilion, £8.99).
Keep talking
So many of the problems in relationships are caused by expecting each other to behave in a particular way - and then being disappointed when things don't go as you imagined. Each of you may well have different ideas of what is important, but unless you communicate them to each other, you will go around in circles.
Start talking now! Discuss the big issues in detail at least once a year, so that you each know what is expected of you, and can aim to please. Miscommunication danger zones for most couples are:
Money: who should earn, who can spend - do you need to consult your other half before making buying decisions?
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