Relationships 

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Another woman wants my man

Dear G
This teeters on the edge of what is acceptable in a long-term, committed relationship. Did you know that it's common for men and women to be attracted to other members of the opposite sex throughout their lives? That does not mean that any action is taken. Everyone in a marriage is entitled to meet new people and even develop significant bonds with others. However, when that bond consists of sexual attraction it can cause havoc.

Often, couples I work with tell me that they are jealous of their partner's new or old friendships. They feel that it takes away from their friendship with their partner, or that their spouse is really not telling them the truth about this other friendship. Above all, remember: Not all male-female friendships end up in bed. Still, sometimes that sense of closeness, maybe even intimacy, can seem threatening to you and your partner's relationship. But what's important is whether they keep things friendly, or allow them to turn sexual.

The domestic routines of marital life - shopping, cooking, washing up, paying the bills - can dampen the sexy side of your relationship. Make sure you're not bogged down in these routines, and invest energy in your marriage to keep it interesting, comfortable to live in, and sexy.

I suggest that you sit your husband down with a glass of wine and tell him how much you love him. Let him know what a hot lover you think he is. Explain to him how you feel about this female colleague. Then discuss that you understand that most people find others interesting and attractive at different times during the course of a marriage, and what really matters is what you do with that. Encourage him to set clear and careful boundaries concerning his colleague. Cajole him. Find out what's on his mind, and in his heart and groin for her - real or fantasy. Then use your feminine wiles to remind him why he married you. You are in charge of this. But, unless you set the record straight, up front, before he strays, he may get lost in the confusion that results when a man realises that another woman finds him attractive. Remind him of just who his Number One Woman is, ie you.

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