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My boyfriend is a tomcat
Dear Sherry
My boyfriend of seven months says he loves me, and I believe him. He also says he'd never lie to me, and I believe that too - because he tells me every time he sleeps with another woman. Even though he's 32, he says he's not ready for monogamy. He knows his attitude upsets me, but he says that because he uses protection I shouldn't be concerned, as his flings are just physical. He says I'm free to sleep with other men, but so far I haven't. I'm a one-man woman and, unfortunately, he knows that about me. What should I do?
Ann
P.S. We have a great sex life.
Do you really want my advice? I mean, do you really, really want to hear my opinion? Dump this dog. OK, maybe he's not a dog, but if he's not ready to be faithful after seven months (seven years in dog time - whoops, sorry!) and insists that it's OK if you sleep with others, then this is not a man worth keeping.
You're probably cringing, thinking, ‘But he's the love of my life!’ Trust me, he's not. The love of your life will respect your needs and wishes, and won't upset you by sleeping around indiscriminately, condoms or no condoms. If you're still not ready to give him the elbow, at least give him an ultimatum: ‘Either you stop sleeping with other women or it's over between us.’ Tell him that even though his ‘flings’ are meaningless to him, they are really upsetting you. If he really cares for you, he won't take your threat lying down.
However, as I've said in previous columns, if you dilute an ultimatum by going back on it, you lose your position of power and he'll continue dipping his pen in non-company ink, so to speak. Since he's not the lying kind, you'll know soon enough whether or not he can keep his trousers zipped. Sorry to end on a downer, but ask yourself if a man who has to be coerced into being faithful is likely to remain faithful in the long run.
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