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Indecent Proposal
I have been with my partner for almost three years and we have a joint mortgage together. Recently we went to Paris and he proposed in the hotel room with a cheap ring that was too big. Because he didn't get down on one knee or even look me in the eye, I felt the proposal wasn't genuine. I don't care how much he spends on the ring but some thought could have gone into it. To further complicate things, I am 21 and he is nearly 25. Even though we have been living together for over a year, my family are going to interfere by saying I'm too young. I gave him back the ring and told him to ask me again when he was ready. I love him to pieces - have I done the right thing?
I can't answer those questions for you - only you can. It could be you already know in your heart of hearts that this relationship isn't for life, in which case be honest with your man and let him off the hook. But, if you want him deeply and are prepared to put in the effort and commitment that a good marriage needs, then the only thing you need to ask is whether your boyfriend agrees with you.
You need to sit him down and get him talking. Get him opening up about his feelings and thoughts, hopes and fears. Ask him in particular why he proposed. If he mumbles, says something about 'feeling it was time', admits that he isn't really into marriage but thought you wanted it, or otherwise seems really unenthusiastic, I would stick to your original statement. Don't say yes until he's really ready. (If he never is ready, that's a different issue, and not one you want to worry about now.)
But if the answer you get is clear and enthusiastic - he loves you, he wants to spend the rest of his life with you - then the cheap ring and the lack of eye contact are easily explained. Like many men who propose - my husband for one - he'd spent ages working up to it, planned the romantic weekend away, bought the ring. But then he got embarrassed, shy, terrified he would be rejected. In this case, give him a big hug and say a big yes.
Later, when you've made love, snuggled and cuddled and got back into each other, gently suggest that it would be a wonderful thing to go together and buy a new ring, one you both adore!
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