Advertisement
Topics
Splitting Up
Communication & arguing
Gay & lesbian
Infidelity
Intimacy & commitment
Living Together
Relationship Problems
Communication & arguing
Gay & lesbian
Infidelity
Intimacy & commitment
Living Together
Relationship Problems
Hot stuff
Newsletters
Promotions
Dating dilemmas
Find a new man with the help of DatingDirect.com
Find a new man with the help of DatingDirect.com
Transform coffee breaks
A sprinkling of Latte Creations makes an everyday coffee break extra special
A sprinkling of Latte Creations makes an everyday coffee break extra special
A question of marriage
When my boyfriend and I started dating, I told him it was with a view to getting married, and lately he has told me that I am the one he wants to marry. The trouble is he says he is not ready to make that commitment yet - he wants to save some money first - so it may be next year. I really want to get engaged but I don't want to pressure him as I know he doesn't want a long engagement. What shall I do?
Dear M
This may be hard to hear, but I don't get the sense that you love this man. I do get the sense that you love the idea of being engaged, of being married and of having someone be committed to you.
But that's not going to be enough to carry you through the reality of marriage. You need to really like, value and adore the person you wed. You need to respect them, honour them, put them first and be willing to give up things for them. If you can't do that, your commitment will last a few months at most and in the end you will both be very disappointed.
But you don't feel that way about your boyfriend. You're out to get this marriage thing nailed - and you aren't really thinking about anything else, certainly not his feelings or needs.
So for your own sake - and for his - I wouldn't pressure him into marriage. I wouldn't even ask him for marriage. I'd work on developing your ability to give as well as take - if you do that, then maybe in time you'll both be ready to create a marriage that works.
Join in the live discussions on Talking About Relationships
This may be hard to hear, but I don't get the sense that you love this man. I do get the sense that you love the idea of being engaged, of being married and of having someone be committed to you.
But that's not going to be enough to carry you through the reality of marriage. You need to really like, value and adore the person you wed. You need to respect them, honour them, put them first and be willing to give up things for them. If you can't do that, your commitment will last a few months at most and in the end you will both be very disappointed.
But you don't feel that way about your boyfriend. You're out to get this marriage thing nailed - and you aren't really thinking about anything else, certainly not his feelings or needs.
So for your own sake - and for his - I wouldn't pressure him into marriage. I wouldn't even ask him for marriage. I'd work on developing your ability to give as well as take - if you do that, then maybe in time you'll both be ready to create a marriage that works.
Join in the live discussions on Talking About Relationships
Delicious
Digg
reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
iVillage Features
Message Boards
Pregnancy & Baby |
Parenting |
Health |
Diet & Fitness |
Beauty & Fashion|
Relationships |
Home & Garden |
Food & Drink |
Work & Career |
Entertainment
Horoscopes| Message Boards | Quizzes | Newsletters | Join
Horoscopes| Message Boards | Quizzes | Newsletters | Join
© iVillage Limited 2000-2008. All rights reserved. | © iVillage inc. 1995-2008. All rights reserved.
iVillage Ltd is a UK company registered in England & Wales (3837269) at 80-110 New Oxford Street, London WC1 1HB
iVillage Ltd is a UK company registered in England & Wales (3837269) at 80-110 New Oxford Street, London WC1 1HB