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Will he ever marry me?

by Susan Quilliam

question
My boyfriend and I had the most loving relationship I have ever experienced. He started talking about marriage and asked me to look at rings. I was thrilled. Then he became good friends with my best friend's fiance. Ever since this new friendship, my boyfriend has been saying that he doesn't want to get married for a long time. He claims that he never intended to marry anytime soon, and he wasn't even sure if I was the one. I don't understand why he changed his mind about marriage. Inside I feel like we have split up even though we haven't. What can I do?

answer
Have you heard of 'premature ejaculation', where a guy climaxes too soon? I think your boyfriend suffered from 'premature proposal' where he offered to marry you too soon.

He may have been on the road to commitment, but he wasn't quite ready - so when he talked about marriage and you got excited, he started thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Then he got friendly with another man who's preparing for marriage, and he may not have liked what he saw in this man's engagement, so he got scared.

My advice, if you can do it, is to take a step back. Try to think of yourselves as dating but not committed. This may not feel good, but it will allow your boyfriend a bit of freedom to find out what he really wants. To be honest, he could realise that he isn't ready for commitment with you and he may leave.

But who knows - by backing off and giving him space, you may help him to remember what he liked about the thought of marrying you. And in a while, when he's really ready for it, the two of you may well end up walking down the aisle.

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