Divorced boyfriend is afraid to remarry

Dear Tina
It's a common female complaint that men don't talk about what's on their minds and hearts. Not as well documented is the equally common female tendency to hear what a man is saying, but not really hear him. Your boyfriend is honest enough to tell you things that he knows you don’t really want to hear. Do him the favour of believing him. At least for now he can't give you what you want.

Will he always have problems with commitment? It's a good sign that he was able to say, ‘I love you’. It's a fabulous sign that he says you're the best thing that's ever happened to him. After all, it sounds like he is practically living with you. Tell him candidly that, while you understand where he's coming from, he has to understand where you're coming from as well. Ask him if he thinks he'll ever feel ready to marry and, if so, how much time he feels he might need.

Judging by his answer, you might want to give him an ultimatum, perhaps six months hence, to make a commitment. Assure your boyfriend that your motive isn't to pressurise him, but to enable you to move on in life. Suggest couples counselling to help him resolve his fears of talking about and committing to love.

If he's open to at least exploring the possibility of one day remarrying, hang in there. If he still insists he'll never marry, seriously consider whether hearing ‘I love you’ once a year is enough of a future on which metaphorically to hang your hat.

Best of luck for whatever you choose to do.