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Untamed jealousy
continued from page 2
4. Share your fears clearly. If you tell a caring and sensitive partner how bad you feel, he will be able to reassure you. So if a specific incident makes you worry, then come clean. 'When I saw you chatting to your gorgeous redhead colleague, I felt scared that you would like her more than me.' (But beware screaming, sobbing or hissing these words - attack just makes things worse.)
But what if your partner does fall for someone else and leaves? What do you do then? One of the best ways of guarding against jealousy is to know you could handle the worst if it happened.
And you could. A few years after most break-ups, female partners are having the time of their lives. So you will bounce back, and you will almost certainly do it very quickly indeed.
A final thought. If your partner does choose someone else, this doesn't mean you are lacking. You are lovable whether or not your partner loves you. And somewhere out there is a man who will love you much, much more than the one who just left you.
4. Share your fears clearly. If you tell a caring and sensitive partner how bad you feel, he will be able to reassure you. So if a specific incident makes you worry, then come clean. 'When I saw you chatting to your gorgeous redhead colleague, I felt scared that you would like her more than me.' (But beware screaming, sobbing or hissing these words - attack just makes things worse.)
5. Step into your partner's shoes. Try imagining that you are on the receiving end of your own behaviour - how would you feel when faced with your own questioning, suspicion or worry? He, meanwhile, could imagine he is you - which may make him rethink some of his jealousy-inducing actions. (But beware this turning into a slanging match of the 'I'm hurting more than you are' variety.)
If it all goes pear-shapedBut what if your partner does fall for someone else and leaves? What do you do then? One of the best ways of guarding against jealousy is to know you could handle the worst if it happened.
And you could. A few years after most break-ups, female partners are having the time of their lives. So you will bounce back, and you will almost certainly do it very quickly indeed.
A final thought. If your partner does choose someone else, this doesn't mean you are lacking. You are lovable whether or not your partner loves you. And somewhere out there is a man who will love you much, much more than the one who just left you.
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