Relationships 

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Untamed jealousy

What makes us get jealous in a relationship and how can we combat the green-eyed monster? Susan Quilliam explains

You love him madly. And he loves you in return. Or does he? You keep getting these suspicions that he's eyeing up others, or even playing away. You suffer the agonies of the damned. You're so jealous that it hurts. And yet you know that if you carry on being so jealous, you're going to end up driving him away.

Why do we get jealous?
Most people get jealous at some time or another. It's often based on insecurity - you think so little of yourself that you can't believe that your partner would stay with you. Or you think so much of your partner that you're convinced he can have his pick of women.

As a result, you get over-wary, ultra-suspicious. You start seeing signs of disaster everywhere. And typically you then go one of two ways - you become an angry 'control freak' - challenging everything your partner does - or you turn into a clingy 'victim', when you act all weak and dependent.

On one level, jealousy's instinctive - you want to protect your relationship and keep your man. But life experiences can make us all vulnerable to jealousy. If you've been upstaged in love, if a previous lover left for another women, for example, then you will be more wary. Or if you haven't had much luck in finding someone and don't feel you could get a replacement partner, you may be more susceptible to possessive feelings.

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