Living together: how to make it work

Problem: every disagreement becomes an argument
Solution: learn to argue fairly

‘I think the best thing to do is find time you and he can have a heart-to-heart and try to communicate with him, without blaming or putting him on the defensive. Don’t say things like, “You always”, or “You never”. Instead say, “I feel like this”. Then just try really hard to accept him the way he is and appreciate his good qualities.’ —jezibelle

‘When you have expressed your concern, let him answer. However, don’t interrupt or get defensive. Give him his chance to express his own feelings about the relationship.’ —Pattipie30

Problem: your stuff and his stuff clash
Solution: start thinking ‘ours,’ not ‘yours’ and ‘mine’

‘When we first moved in together, we had to solve a lot of style issues. I wasn’t used to his stuff and my stuff together. We figured out that we both had systems and quirks that sometimes would clash. The biggest change is that I now share everything: My space, my bathroom and even the ice in my freezer. Once you get used to the words ‘ours’ and ‘we’ the rest falls into place.’ —moogey

The biggest lesson you’ll learn: it’s not all about him, it’s about you too. Moogey writes, ‘The best part about living with someone is that you learn a tremendous amount about yourself. You learn what you hate, what you really don’t care about, and, most of all, how you can resolve conflicts with someone you care deeply about.’

Why not swop advice on co-habiting with fellow iVillagers on the Highs and Lows of Being a Couple message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions happening on the board right now: