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Living together, growing apart?
continued from page 2
Danger zone: Money - the root of all evil?
'I had no idea that money makes him tick so much,' says Kate, 29, who moved in with her boyfriend Tim 15 months ago and then moved out again just before Christmas. 'He'd always been very careful with cash; but I saw it as a part of his reliable character. My previous partner was terrible with money so in contrast, I liked the way Tim watched his pennies.'
But things soon changed. After Kate moved in, Tim started making her account for everything. 'He commented about all my shopping and whinged if I so much as bought a pair of tights. The sex and romance in our relationship was great, but in the end, I couldn't cope with his obsessive attention to budgets and money.'
Money is another of Relate's top five relationship problems. It can become the arena to play out power games when couples' money patterns clash.
Solution: Define the real money matters
Danger zone: Money - the root of all evil?
'I had no idea that money makes him tick so much,' says Kate, 29, who moved in with her boyfriend Tim 15 months ago and then moved out again just before Christmas. 'He'd always been very careful with cash; but I saw it as a part of his reliable character. My previous partner was terrible with money so in contrast, I liked the way Tim watched his pennies.'
But things soon changed. After Kate moved in, Tim started making her account for everything. 'He commented about all my shopping and whinged if I so much as bought a pair of tights. The sex and romance in our relationship was great, but in the end, I couldn't cope with his obsessive attention to budgets and money.'
Money is another of Relate's top five relationship problems. It can become the arena to play out power games when couples' money patterns clash.
Solution: Define the real money matters
- Think about what money means to you and your partner - is it about security, power or love? Try and work out what you feel for money and about your spending habits.By understanding what money symbolises in your relationship, you will see that your problems are not only about cash but emotional issues too.
- Make a contract to budget. Agreeing up front what you do with your money and then sticking to that agreement will make everything much easier. If it helps, get an independent advisor, like your bank manager or financial advisor to help create a workable budget.
- Gather your resources. Lack of money can create a strain in a relationship, so it's important to keep the cash factor in perspective. Regularly audit what other things you have working for you - your skills, your personality strengths, your friends and family, to take the emphasis off money and on to the whole range of great things you have in your lives.
- Read: Corinne Sweet, Stop Fighting About Money (Hodder and Stoughton £6.99).
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