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Rahul's Hindu parents have only recently learned that he has a non-Hindu girlfriend, despite their seven-year relationship. 'Part of me wishes that Nicola happened to be Asian, but life doesn't work like that.'
His mother's desire to keep Hindu culture strong has been dented by Rahul's rejection of any attempt to match him up with an Indian wife. 'I'm still from an Asian background, irrespective of who I go out with', he asserts, pointing out that the high number of divorces resulting from arranged marriages in his parents' circle has given him the strength to stand up to his parents and force them to acknowledge their son's choice of partner.
'I fudged the issue by telling them that we'd known each other since college, without actually telling them we'd been together until then. I guess, that way I cleared my own conscience whilst causing them the minimum of distress,' says Rahul.
But, as Knowles warns, the decision to protect your parents from the truth is fraught with ambiguity. 'The assumption that kids make when they decide to protect their parents is often an arrogant one. You're as likely to be protecting yourself as you are your parents.'
During my conversations with people who are in long-term secret relationships, one phrase has been repeated over and over again when discussing the subject of revealing the secret: 'use your own judgement'.
No matter how much friends encourage you to 'get on with your life', tempt you with the idea that your parents will understand and that all will be rosy in the end, a secret of such magnitude is more powerful than the people who guard it - and the people from whom it is kept.
Rahul's Hindu parents have only recently learned that he has a non-Hindu girlfriend, despite their seven-year relationship. 'Part of me wishes that Nicola happened to be Asian, but life doesn't work like that.'
His mother's desire to keep Hindu culture strong has been dented by Rahul's rejection of any attempt to match him up with an Indian wife. 'I'm still from an Asian background, irrespective of who I go out with', he asserts, pointing out that the high number of divorces resulting from arranged marriages in his parents' circle has given him the strength to stand up to his parents and force them to acknowledge their son's choice of partner.
'I fudged the issue by telling them that we'd known each other since college, without actually telling them we'd been together until then. I guess, that way I cleared my own conscience whilst causing them the minimum of distress,' says Rahul.
But, as Knowles warns, the decision to protect your parents from the truth is fraught with ambiguity. 'The assumption that kids make when they decide to protect their parents is often an arrogant one. You're as likely to be protecting yourself as you are your parents.'
During my conversations with people who are in long-term secret relationships, one phrase has been repeated over and over again when discussing the subject of revealing the secret: 'use your own judgement'.
No matter how much friends encourage you to 'get on with your life', tempt you with the idea that your parents will understand and that all will be rosy in the end, a secret of such magnitude is more powerful than the people who guard it - and the people from whom it is kept.
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