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  |  Couples  |  He won't let go of the past
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He won't let go of the past

by Susan Quilliam

question
I have been married for a year. The only problem is that my husband keeps all the photos and letters from his ex-girlfriend - there are mementoes all over the house. Even his dog is named after her. I feel her presence all the time in our life and this has started to get me really frustrated. He says that he married me, not her, and his past has nothing to do with our life together now. He also says that he didn't put those objects from his past around intentionally but he just forgot about most of them. This is unlike him as he is normally a very meticulous person. I don't want to hurt him through being inconsiderate about his past but I can't feel comfortable about this.

answer
This is what you do. You explain to your husband, gently and lovingly, that you realise he loves you, you understand he chose you, and that you accept his past relationship has nothing to do with your marriage. Plus, you absolutely don't want him to get rid of the mementoes of his ex-girlfriend. All you are asking is that he and you together, as a sign of your love, go round the house, collect them all in a box, tie a ribbon round the box and store the box somewhere out of the way - under the bed, at the back of a cupboard or in the attic.

If he can't even bear to do that, then you have real problems. If he can, do it - and then never refer to it again. Let the past die, and concentrate on building your relationship in the future.

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