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How to handle a broken heart
Dear Sally Ann,
My relationship ended a month ago. How do I get over a man who I love very much and thought I would spend the rest of my life with?
Katherine
Dear Katherine,
Go and buy a copy of The Consolations of Philosophy by Alain de Botton. Look up the chapter called 'consolations for a broken heart' - it won't cure you but it will give you something to think about. Schopenhaur had a lot to say on the subject, the first of which is that you are right to feel as if your life has ended because, in a way, it has. You had a plan for your entire future that has been thwarted and the result is devastating. Remember, though, that time heals almost everyone.
If you truly love someone, you don't stop loving him just because he has moved out of your orbit; you keep him with you always. But that doesn't mean that there won't come a time when you are strong enough to do it again. In fact, some people say there's more room in a broken heart. Is there anything that you have learned from the relationship you have just lost? Wisdom is a comforter, too, although it comes at a very high price.
Be kind to yourself. See your friends and let them distract you. Work hard. Travel somewhere foreign so that you are so traumatised by another country's unfamiliarity that you forget yourself. Don't listen to pop music except by appointment - Friday night, bottle of wine, phone off the hook, photos out. And remember, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.Sally Ann
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