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The ten worst habits of the (almost) perfect couple
continued from page 1
Absenteeism
Once, you couldn't get enough of each other. Now, somehow you never see each other. You might have made extra commitments at work, be socialising more with friends, or just concentrating on your hobbies. Perhaps you're too tired for romance.
Why? You feel stable in your relationship and have started to prioritise the rest of your life over each other. Not spending quality time together as a couple can lead to long-term problems. If you don't make the time for each other regularly, your intimacy will fade - you'll lose track of each other and, in time, your love will die.
How to fix it? Sit down and reprioritise your lives. Schedule each other in: spend half an hour each day catching up, make a weekly date to spend the evening together and plan one weekend a month for just the two of you.
Compulsive borrowing
One or both of you borrows the other's possessions without asking and often returns them in less-than-pristine condition.
Why? You've stopped seeing each other as separate individuals. Love has made you think of 'we' as a single entity - and of what you each own as belonging to both of you.
How's it a problem long-term? By helping yourself to each others' possessions without permission can lead to feelings of being disregarded and a lack of privacy.
How to fix it? Reclaim individuality. Agree what's acceptable behaviour and have separate storage spaces for your personal things. If you usually do everything together, make an effort to do some things separately.
Putting your feet up
Unequal amounts of energy are being put into the domestic work. One person is carrying all the responsibility for making the joint home-life work.
Why? One partner may simply underestimate the amount of work it takes to keep the family home running. They may not have had good role models or 'helpful partners' when they were growing up.
How's it a problem long-term? One person's consistent failure to help out with the housework can lead to resentment. This situation can quickly become toxic!
How to fix it? Make a list of all the jobs that need doing around the house each week - then divide them more or less equally. But remember, don't undermine the system by criticising a partner for the way he (or she) chooses to do his (or her) tasks.
Absenteeism
Once, you couldn't get enough of each other. Now, somehow you never see each other. You might have made extra commitments at work, be socialising more with friends, or just concentrating on your hobbies. Perhaps you're too tired for romance.
Why? You feel stable in your relationship and have started to prioritise the rest of your life over each other. Not spending quality time together as a couple can lead to long-term problems. If you don't make the time for each other regularly, your intimacy will fade - you'll lose track of each other and, in time, your love will die.
How to fix it? Sit down and reprioritise your lives. Schedule each other in: spend half an hour each day catching up, make a weekly date to spend the evening together and plan one weekend a month for just the two of you.
Compulsive borrowing
One or both of you borrows the other's possessions without asking and often returns them in less-than-pristine condition.
Why? You've stopped seeing each other as separate individuals. Love has made you think of 'we' as a single entity - and of what you each own as belonging to both of you.
How's it a problem long-term? By helping yourself to each others' possessions without permission can lead to feelings of being disregarded and a lack of privacy.
How to fix it? Reclaim individuality. Agree what's acceptable behaviour and have separate storage spaces for your personal things. If you usually do everything together, make an effort to do some things separately.
Putting your feet up
Unequal amounts of energy are being put into the domestic work. One person is carrying all the responsibility for making the joint home-life work.
Why? One partner may simply underestimate the amount of work it takes to keep the family home running. They may not have had good role models or 'helpful partners' when they were growing up.
How's it a problem long-term? One person's consistent failure to help out with the housework can lead to resentment. This situation can quickly become toxic!
How to fix it? Make a list of all the jobs that need doing around the house each week - then divide them more or less equally. But remember, don't undermine the system by criticising a partner for the way he (or she) chooses to do his (or her) tasks.
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