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The ten worst habits of the (almost) perfect couple
continued from page 2
Flirting
Put one of you alone in a room with someone of the opposite sex and they turn into a super-flirt.
Why? Flirting often stems from feelings of insecurity. A flirt doesn't feel they are attractive and needs constant feedback from others to boost their self-esteem.
How's it a problem long-term? Unless you've agreed as a couple that flirting with other people is harmless and just a bit of fun, it can cause jealousy, insecurity and arguments.
Fix it by deciding together what behaviour is acceptable and what crosses the line. If the problem is low self-esteem, the flirt needs find other ways to feel good about themselves so there is no need for flirting.
Using sex as a bargaining tool
You adore making love but sometimes use sex as a way to persuade, cajole or placate your partner into doing what you want.
Why? Using sex to influence behaviour probably means that you feel your needs aren't being met any other way. Co-operation between you and your partner has broken down.
How's it a problem long-term? If you carry on using sex as a bribe, in time desire will fade because it's not based on mutual pleasure.
How to fix it? If you need something, ask instead of using sex as a bargaining tool. If you sense your partner is using sex to persuade you to do something, challenge him and don't give in to it.
Overspending
You know you need to cut back on the outgoings, but then one or both of you splashes out - plunging your finances into crisis again.
Why? Overspending usually stems from feelings of worthlessness. Overspenders compensate for their feelings of low self-worth by spending on themselves. Consistent overspending can also be a sign of irresponsibility.
How's it a problem long-term? Money is important and the habit of overspending can leave you both feeling out of control.
How to fix it? Don't tackle this by firmer budgeting - the spender will only rebel again. Instead, get to the root of the problem and look at why the overspending is happening. Read Stop Fighting About Money by Corinne Sweet, priced £6.99 from Hodder & Stoughton.
Flirting
Put one of you alone in a room with someone of the opposite sex and they turn into a super-flirt.
Why? Flirting often stems from feelings of insecurity. A flirt doesn't feel they are attractive and needs constant feedback from others to boost their self-esteem.
How's it a problem long-term? Unless you've agreed as a couple that flirting with other people is harmless and just a bit of fun, it can cause jealousy, insecurity and arguments.
Fix it by deciding together what behaviour is acceptable and what crosses the line. If the problem is low self-esteem, the flirt needs find other ways to feel good about themselves so there is no need for flirting.
Using sex as a bargaining tool
You adore making love but sometimes use sex as a way to persuade, cajole or placate your partner into doing what you want.
Why? Using sex to influence behaviour probably means that you feel your needs aren't being met any other way. Co-operation between you and your partner has broken down.
How's it a problem long-term? If you carry on using sex as a bribe, in time desire will fade because it's not based on mutual pleasure.
How to fix it? If you need something, ask instead of using sex as a bargaining tool. If you sense your partner is using sex to persuade you to do something, challenge him and don't give in to it.
Overspending
You know you need to cut back on the outgoings, but then one or both of you splashes out - plunging your finances into crisis again.
Why? Overspending usually stems from feelings of worthlessness. Overspenders compensate for their feelings of low self-worth by spending on themselves. Consistent overspending can also be a sign of irresponsibility.
How's it a problem long-term? Money is important and the habit of overspending can leave you both feeling out of control.
How to fix it? Don't tackle this by firmer budgeting - the spender will only rebel again. Instead, get to the root of the problem and look at why the overspending is happening. Read Stop Fighting About Money by Corinne Sweet, priced £6.99 from Hodder & Stoughton.
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