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  |  Couples  |  Relationship Problems  |  The top five relationship problems
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The top five relationship problems

by Susan Quilliam
continued from page 3
I love my partner - but I can't get on with his children.

'We've been together for nearly a year, and everything's wonderful - except for the weekends when he sees his children. I haven't got children of my own and feel uneasy with his. They resent me because they want him to get back with their Mum. The whole weekend's stressful and after the children have gone home we always end up rowing'.
Lucy

Being a step-parent can create all kinds of problems. Your partner wants to do the best for his kids and in principle you agree with him. In practice, you feel left out and often hurt by the children's hostility towards you. This emotional tug-of-war creates strain in your relationship.

Step-parenting action plan
  • Expect the children to come first when your partner sees them; don't fight them for his attention or put him in an emotional tug-of-war.
  • When you're with the children, be yourself; they'll spot false attempts to win them round.
  • As to childcare, support your partner's way of interacting with his children - he may feel as unskilled as you are about coping with them.
  • Don't expect his children to like you - they may never do. But remember that their dislike isn't personal; they don't know you - their anger is really aimed at their father.
  • If you really find it hard to be with your partner's children, stay away. It's vital that he gets good quality time with them - you have him the rest of the time!

    Read: Making Friends with your Stepchildren by Rosemary Wells (Sheldon Press, £6.99).



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