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The top five relationship problems

by Susan Quilliam
continued from page 4
We never agree about money. Help!

'My partner and I just have completely different attitudes to money. He seems incapable of keeping track and as a result we sometimes get overdrawn. I'm much more careful, to the point where he often accuses me of being miserly. I feel so out of control when he spends too much - and he says he feels nagged and controlled when I try to get him to cut back. We're not too bad at the start of the month, but by the end we're at each other's throats.'
Gabrielle

Money plays an important part of life, but the thing to remember is that money is never just about money. It can be a real power issue in a relationship, with each partner wanting to organise and spend their money their own way. The problems start with our different attitudes- we've all inherited different spending patterns from our parents and the different ways we deal with it can lead to problems.

Cash action plan

  • Look back at how you were taught to handle money - then swap notes. The more you appreciate each other's attitudes to money, the less you'll row.
  • If one of you is earning far more than the other, they shouldn't therefore hold all the control; value each partner's contributions, whether they are financial or not.
  • Work out a way of managing your finances that gives you both some money that you alone control - such as a joint account for housekeeping plus 'spending money'.
  • If neither of you are good at budgeting, seek expert help. Call National Debtline on 0808 808 4000.
  • If money arguments have suddenly erupted, ask why; how has the power balance in your relationship altered in recent months? This could be what's triggering the arguments.

    Read: Stop fighting about money by Corinne Sweet, (Hodder & Stoughton, £6.99).


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