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More educated and sophisticated than my man
Dear Sherry
I am a 44 year old, attractive divorcee and work in publishing. My boyfriend of one year is handsome, kind, caring, steady, good to his family, good to me, has no ex-wives and no children. But, he is less educated than myself, works in a non-professional job and his grammar is an ongoing problem. I’ve been giving him grammar lessons, which have begun to grate on him. Generally, I'm more sophisticated than he is, and it bothers me, but I do love him. He wants to get married and I can’t make up my mind. Meanwhile I don't have much faith in what else is out there. Help!
M
It's hard to break away from parental conditioning that tells us to look for men who will be good providers. It can be equally hard to break away from social conditioning that tells us the man on our arm should be a ‘trophy’ - that is, he looks good, and is presentable at dinner parties and family and business functions.
You say you ‘love’ this man, and I'm sure he's great, but the differences between you aren't going to just disappear. Imagine your life without him. Would you truly miss his company? Would you miss his insights, his humour, his empathy? Now imagine your life with him. Pretend you're married and the two of you bump into an old university friend. Do you proudly introduce your husband or inwardly shiver with embarrassment?
The moral is: Don't stay with him because you don’t think there’s anything better out there or because you hope he'll change. He's already getting tired of your grammar lessons, or is it nagging? You've got to be able to either love and accept this man for who he is, or allow both of you to move on.
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