My partner and I have been together just over two years. We are both in our mid-30s and he has a daughter from a previous relationship. I want children and he says he doesn't, although we have unprotected sex. I feel that the future holds nothing of interest, even though I have a well-paid job working with a wonderful team - it just doesn't mean that much to me any more because I want to be a mother. I want to talk to him about it but am afraid of the inevitable rows and I am afraid of being alone and perhaps never finding someone with whom I can have a traditional relationship (i.e. marriage and babies).

Any ideas?

answer

OK, here's the blunt truth. You want a baby. Your man doesn't. So are you letting him off the hook and going off to find a partner who does want a baby, and with whom you have a strong enough relationship to handle all the stress and strain that bringing up children involves? No, you are hanging on in there in the hope that you will get pregnant and that your man will then change his mind and stick with you.I understand why you're doing this. It's scary out there, looking for a partner. And your biological clock is ticking, and you want a baby - now! But what you're doing isn't just unwise - it is positively unfair.It's unfair on your man to hang on in there having unprotected sex, when you know full well that if you get pregnant you'll want to have the baby. It's unfair on you, because if you do get pregnant he will either cut and run or hang on in there resentfully. Most of all, it's unfair on the child. Now, I'm not saying that the best possible upbringing for children necessarily involves two parents - many single parent families are wonderful. But the best possible upbringing does not involve one parent being pressured into being a parent. No, if you want kids, then find a partner who wants them as much as you do.So if having children is so important to you, dump your unwilling partner. Then find a man who wants kids, who will welcome them, love them, cuddle them, adore them, rejoice in them and kill for the privilege of being involved in their upbringing. There are men like that out there - loads of them. Go get yourself one!

ivillage uk

Baby blues