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My boyfriend never stops working
For the past year-and-a-half, I've been living with my boyfriend, Homer. He works really long hours - never less than 15 hours a day. I know that it's part of his career and I would never ask him to give it up, but I can't take it anymore. I feel very alone and trapped. Its like I'm single, but can't date. We seldom see each other and when we do, he's too tired to do anything. I love him, and we plan to get married, but I don't know what to do about this situation. When I do try to talk to him, he just shuts down and won't respond. I'm out of ideas about what to do. Can you suggest anything?
Living with someone has its ups and downs - but things won't improve just because you get married. And it's probably not just you that's unhappy - Homer's probably miserable too. So you both need to sort these problems before you make any further commitment.
That doesn't mean your relationship is at an end. Here are three further suggestions that you might want to try.
First, try getting more of a life for yourself outside the home, going places, meeting people and having fun. Don't do this in the spirit of revenge - that will diminish your love rather than building it. But if you are getting more of what you want from life, then whether or not you're getting that from Homer, you will be happier. And just possibly, if you don't need him to be with you so much, he might want to be with you a little more.
Second, try to get involved in Homer's work. Rather than resenting it, ask him about it and try to understand why he's so committed. That will mean that rather than regarding his work as the enemy, you can start to appreciate it. And if he doesn't feel so threatened about work, he may not need to retreat into it so much.
Thirdly, try counselling to find out why you're in this vicious circle. It's great if Homer will go too, but if not, then go alone. This will either make you realise that the rest of the relationship is so good that you don't want to part - or will give you the strength to make a break.
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That doesn't mean your relationship is at an end. Here are three further suggestions that you might want to try.
First, try getting more of a life for yourself outside the home, going places, meeting people and having fun. Don't do this in the spirit of revenge - that will diminish your love rather than building it. But if you are getting more of what you want from life, then whether or not you're getting that from Homer, you will be happier. And just possibly, if you don't need him to be with you so much, he might want to be with you a little more.
Second, try to get involved in Homer's work. Rather than resenting it, ask him about it and try to understand why he's so committed. That will mean that rather than regarding his work as the enemy, you can start to appreciate it. And if he doesn't feel so threatened about work, he may not need to retreat into it so much.
Thirdly, try counselling to find out why you're in this vicious circle. It's great if Homer will go too, but if not, then go alone. This will either make you realise that the rest of the relationship is so good that you don't want to part - or will give you the strength to make a break.
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