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Is my boyfriend ashamed of me?

by Susan Quilliam

question
I have been seeing my partner for about five months. I have known him for around four years as he was my ex-boyfriend's best friend. I know this sounds awful, but my ex and I split up two years ago. I still speak to him and he has another girlfriend. The problem is my new bloke doesn't want to tell his friends about us, or go anywhere where we might be spotted together. I can understand not telling my ex, but it's as if he is ashamed of me. Am I being unreasonable?

answer
No, I don't think you're being unreasonable. A two-year gap between splitting with your ex and starting to see his best friend shouldn't cause any problem - particularly as your ex has met someone else. So you need to work out what's happening and take action.

It could be that your new boyfriend's sensitive about your ex's feelings? Perhaps he always fancied you, and this caused arguments between the two of them - and that's why he doesn't want you to be seen together. If so, my suggestion is that you confront him with it, suggest that you break the silence, or perhaps even arrange a dinner for the four of you.

But, awful thought, is your man's problem something else entirely? Is he hiding something from you, is there another reason why he doesn't want to be seen out with you? I don't wish to plant suspicions in your mind. But very often, when I hear the words 'go anywhere where we might be spotted together', there's an existing partner that the man doesn't want his new love to meet. And if that's so, then obviously you need to think about where your relationship goes from here.

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